bowtie diaries

some of you may remember that a while ago, i started wearing bowties to work. i have not worn a regular necktie in almost 2 years. i noticed that throughout the pentagon, a few people started sporting bowties. there were very few members of the young crowd that began to follow my trend, but mostly it was the older group (50+) that began dusting them off. although i welcomed the compliments of the more fashionable and senior-level members of the agency, as well as the jokes from all the "nuggets" who balk at anything that doesn't have a Sean Jean or FUBU label on it, i didn't take kindly to this newfound following of mine. this was my style. my look. my moment to step out from the norm and be different. since then, i have accumulated a significant amount of bowties and have learned to pair them up with corresponding and contrasting colors in order to give off different visual effects. and i have noticed that others have fallen off the bandwagon and have returned to their regular ties. since our office move from the pentagon to Clarendon, i am relieved that i am the only person in this building that chooses to support this movement in neckwear....until today. i was in the office talking with my boss and two young ladies stepped in. one of the ladies said "oh, i love your bowtie. is it bowtie day or something around here?" i replied and said "what do you mean?" and she said "well, there's another guy around the corner wearing a bowtie as well". so, i stepped out of the office, looked around the corner and there was this tall skinny white guy with spiked hair and a horrible spray-on tan standing at his desk wearing a poorly-tied pink bow! the office suddenly went dim. i lunged forward and snatched him up by his tie and struggled with him to get it off from around his neck. when i finally got it off, i banged his head against the desk as hard as i could and knocked him out. he fell to the floor and i noticed a trail of blood streaming from his nose. of course i was worried and i thought that i may have overreacted, but when i looked at the bowtie in my hand, i knew i had done what was right and that everything was going to be okay. as i wiped the sweat from my forehead and tucked my shirt back into my slacks, i thought to myself "that'll learn him!" as i came to my senses, i realized that my thoughts of causing bodily harm over a piece of neckwear may be a little too extreme. so, i slowly walked back to my desk and tried to concentrate on my work. although i am content with not confronting the gentleman who chooses to not be a leader and follow me, i still feel like he needs to be pushed down the stairs or locked in a tanning bed for 12 hours! he needs to learn that this is my territory! i run this floor and he's infringing on my style! that's okay...he has a long way to go before he can catch up to me. this agency knows my name and knows that i'm the one who led this movement. he'll revert to his old ways. it's just a matter of time....wait a minute - why is his bowtie on the corner of my desk?