Git Down wit tha Git Down!

The Durty 30 Club!

2011-01-05T20:20:00.010-05:00

10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 - the countdown to the New Year began at 11:59pm on December 31, 2010. As the crowd around me was chanting, my palms were beginning to sweat profusely. But why would a simple countdown be so nerve-racking? Could death be waiting right around the corner? Was I in desperate need to make a deposit, yet the bathroom was nowhere in sight? Was the mafia hot on my heels, looking for that overdue check I owe them for stiffing them on that last 'run' they sent me on? None of the above...rather, it was worse than I could have imagined...the countdown to my demise! The demise of my youth, that is! Just then, as the crowd cheered after yelling out '1' and 'Happy New Year', I looked around the dance floor and realized that I was then one of the oldest people in the club and that I was no longer welcomed . See, at the stroke of midnight, I had turned thirty years old. I felt like running out of the ball so fast that I lose my Adidas sneaker for fear that I would turn into an ugly house servant and my new BMW truck would turn into a pumpkin. I felt all of the drunken eyes staring at me, pointing and laughing and chanting about how old I had become and how my wrinkles and bags under my eyes are now more pronounced. As I tried to ignore the laughter, I continued to dance and sip on my bottle of beer. Just as my favorite Lady Gaga song came on, I got excited and began dancing harder, thinking that I would drown my misery in the loud thumping beat...which, to my realization, my body had already begun shutting down. I quickly came to realize that I can still drop it down low to the floor, but can no longer bring it back up. So, there I was, the middle of the dance floor, stuck...on the floor! It was after I pulled myself up on the corner of the stage that I realized the madness behind the simpleton I was dancing too. And as I looked around the dance floor at all of the drunk children, stumbling and fighting to keep their composure and stand upright, I realized that my sober crossing into true adulthood may not be all that bad. Sure, there are downfalls like not being as limber as in times past, but, there's so much more out there to enjoy. Like, no longer being carded when at the bar; or enjoying cocktails laced with Metamucil or 'Immunity-boost' powders. Either way, life can only get better from here on. So, to all of the members of the Durty 30 Club, your newest member has arrived and welcomes your guidance, helping hand and age-reversal secrets as I navigate the next 10 years of semi-faithful service.

bowtie diaries

2009-09-02T20:53:00.002-04:00

some of you may remember that a while ago, i started wearing bowties to work. i have not worn a regular necktie in almost 2 years. i noticed that throughout the pentagon, a few people started sporting bowties. there were very few members of the young crowd that began to follow my trend, but mostly it was the older group (50+) that began dusting them off. although i welcomed the compliments of the more fashionable and senior-level members of the agency, as well as the jokes from all the "nuggets" who balk at anything that doesn't have a Sean Jean or FUBU label on it, i didn't take kindly to this newfound following of mine. this was my style. my look. my moment to step out from the norm and be different. since then, i have accumulated a significant amount of bowties and have learned to pair them up with corresponding and contrasting colors in order to give off different visual effects. and i have noticed that others have fallen off the bandwagon and have returned to their regular ties. since our office move from the pentagon to Clarendon, i am relieved that i am the only person in this building that chooses to support this movement in neckwear....until today. i was in the office talking with my boss and two young ladies stepped in. one of the ladies said "oh, i love your bowtie. is it bowtie day or something around here?" i replied and said "what do you mean?" and she said "well, there's another guy around the corner wearing a bowtie as well". so, i stepped out of the office, looked around the corner and there was this tall skinny white guy with spiked hair and a horrible spray-on tan standing at his desk wearing a poorly-tied pink bow! the office suddenly went dim. i lunged forward and snatched him up by his tie and struggled with him to get it off from around his neck. when i finally got it off, i banged his head against the desk as hard as i could and knocked him out. he fell to the floor and i noticed a trail of blood streaming from his nose. of course i was worried and i thought that i may have overreacted, but when i looked at the bowtie in my hand, i knew i had done what was right and that everything was going to be okay. as i wiped the sweat from my forehead and tucked my shirt back into my slacks, i thought to myself "that'll learn him!" as i came to my senses, i realized that my thoughts of causing bodily harm over a piece of neckwear may be a little too extreme. so, i slowly walked back to my desk and tried to concentrate on my work. although i am content with not confronting the gentleman who chooses to not be a leader and follow me, i still feel like he needs to be pushed down the stairs or locked in a tanning bed for 12 hours! he needs to learn that this is my territory! i run this floor and he's infringing on my style! that's okay...he has a long way to go before he can catch up to me. this agency knows my name and knows that i'm the one who led this movement. he'll revert to his old ways. it's just a matter of time....wait a minute - why is his bowtie on the corner of my desk?

life changing...

2009-07-21T11:48:00.005-04:00

you never really know how one person can change your life so drastially until they decide to do so. the power that we allow people to have over us is simply amazing. one simple question can alter your entire thought process and make you loose focus of everything that you have been working so hard to accomplish in life.

on friday, july 17th, i was asked a question that i had waited 6 years and 10 months to hear. it was a dream of mine that i have had since a child, but reconciled in adulthood that it would never be my lot. turns out that i was wrong.

i am now the happiest man in the world. my mind is consumed with planning the future and replaying the words i hope to never forget. excitement has gotten the best of me. i can't think. i can't sleep. i can't function or comprehend at work. but it's perfectly okay with me. i don't mind it one bit. life has improved and the smile that i once carried is now larger and brighter than before. can it get any better...

7 Years

2009-07-03T11:04:00.003-04:00

what a difference 7 years makes. ups and downs, ins and outs. people go through so many changes over the course of one year...let alone 7. unfortunately, they all hit me. and all at the same time. even though each change was gradual, they all kind of came to a head at once. imagine that you are a car and you hit a nail in the road which causes a slow leak in your tire. in addition, your already-leaky oil tank is now down to almost nothing. your gas light has come on, your spark plugs are clogged with gunk and need replacing and your timing belt is hanging on by a thread of rubber. now imagine you hit a bump in the road and everything goes south. the tire goes flat, the oil tank is bone dry and your engine locks up, the gas tank is now on fumes, the spark plugs aren't giving off that spark and the timing belt is now being flung out underneath the car and you've rolled over it, leaving it in the middle of the street behind you. well, that's what it feels like has happened to me. all of these changes that have happened to me have come back to haunt me; stopping me dead in my tracks and forcing me to confront them. i've been harboring a lot of stress from these changes for the past few months and it wasn't until a few hours ago that i as able to take the car into the shop and verbalize the issues to the mechanic and explain how they have affected me. i held on to these changes for fear of change itself. he indicated that the car is definitely damaged, but can be restored. it's not completely fixed yet, but some work was done so far and i'm excited for the maintenance. it may be in the shop for a while, but it will be whole again and will be back in full force, ready for it's next stop on this road called life.

Death to Hubcaps

2009-03-21T17:32:00.002-04:00

cars with hubcaps should be banned! the federal government should impound all vehicles that have hubcaps and fine the owners of said vehicles. okay, maybe not. that may be a little to harsh of a punishment. but how else would you reprimand someone who almost caused an accident on friday night on a busy highway. as i was driving down the highway headed home, there's this stretch of road that has an aggressive dip before the bridge and then another one after you cross it. given that it's a three-lane highway, you can avoid the dip and the unnecessary wear and tear on your car's shocks by merging into your far right lane. seeing that i have a new vehicle, i take every precaution to protect her from damage (including parking 8 miles from the entrance of malls and shopping centers in order to prevent "dings" in my door from careless commuters). in keeping with my norm, i merged to the far right lane when all was clear in order to avoid the dips on and before this bridge. however, some cars choose to take the dips at full speed. traveling at about 80 mph, i hit the beginning of the bridge only to notice that there was something beginning to roll over into my lane in front of me at a very hich speed. at first it looked like a silver spray can, but then i realized that it was a runaway hubcap from the hooptie in the middle lane. to protect my precious, i slammed on the breaks and the hubcap went spiraling out of control back into the middle lane just missing my front bumper. as i sped up and passed the hooptie, i realized that the driver had no idea about what had happened. his freshly-washed and shined bucket is now riding with only 3 hubcaps.

now, i know what you're thinking...the one who could have caused the accident was me. and you're probably right. i was the one doing 80 in a 55 mph zone. i was the one who chose to slam on the breaks. but don't you think that the man in the hooptie is partly to blame as well? if it wasn't for his old car, i would not have had to hit my breaks! no? you're not buying it? well, it still doesn't change my opinion about the government impounding all cars with hubcaps. they are a menace to society an should be put to death (still talking about the hubcaps...not the owners)!

#1 Reason to End This Recession

2009-03-04T00:29:00.004-05:00

i know this will sound absolutely awful...but...i really don't care. working for the government, i thought that i would not feel the effects of this recession. boy was i wrong! it hit me, and it hit me HARD!

in my building at work, we have this place that makes paninis. now, i am usually not a fan of sandwiches. however, i tried this panini one day and it was simply heavenly. it had lettuce, turkey, ham, swiss cheese oozing from the sides, some kind of pesto sauce, and jalapeno bacon pressed and cooked between 2 slices of ciabatta bread! yes...i said jalapeno bacon! i've never heard of it either. but, let me tell you...it was the BIZOMB!!!! (i wish you could have heard me say BIZOM!!! cuz it was pretty funny) this sandwich made a believer out of me. i believed that i was falling in love with everything that made up this wonderful creation. i had an affair with every piece of that sandwich! every time that i got it, i gently blew on the bread, licked the lettuce, tickled the turkey, held the ham, and seductively caressed the swiss cheese. and when nobody was looking, i flat out devoured the jalapeno bacon! (you thought i was going to use "J" and "B", didn't ya!) well, after a long affair with this sandwich, i thought i would be faithful to the one i was committed to previously...Panda Express. after realizing that i was not eating Orange Chicken, rather was probably eating panda meat, i decided to spice up my lunch breaks and cheat on panda again for old time's sake. well...that's when my entire world fell apart. last week, i was facilitating a meeting with some folks from Germany and i took them to meet my "sandstress" (kind of like mistress...but a sandwich...neverrmind). when we got to the lunch room, i ordered my precious panini and learned that they had discontinued the use of jalapeno bacon and now only use regular bacon!!!! ***GASP*** my heart stopped. (yours did too, didn't it) it turns out that due to the recession, they had to make some cut-backs in the kitchen, and my sweet jalapeno bacon was laid off. they told her to pack her stuff and GO. there was no warning. she was just let go...needless to say, i will never be the same without her....or so i thought. as i bit into my panini, i realized that bacon is bacon and it was STILL the BIZOMB!!!! my love affair continues!

Uninspired

2009-03-04T00:27:00.000-05:00

its been a while since i've written a blog. mainly because i've been down over the issue with my friend who was in the skiing accident two weeks ago. if you haven't heard, my friend passed away on Monday, February 23, 2009. shocking and heartbreaking. that's all i've been able to convey. i've always believed in god and that he can do anything. i truly believed that god would touch and heal my friend. i believed that he would be back at work and we would be back to normal, cracking jokes and laughing together. i've never really believed in something so strongly before. i guess maybe because i just really wanted that to be the case. anyway, that's not how the story has played out. i know god has His own plan for our lives and no matter how much we want something to be, sometimes, it just isn't in His will. i still believe in god and what he can do. just sad that the outcome wasn't different. i miss him. i miss him every single day. i miss him every morning that i don't hear him yell over top of the music in my headphones when i walk in the office. i miss him when those breaks don't come where he comes over to chat. i miss being able to recap our favorite tv shows/movies. and i especially miss him when i get excited over something or overhear something that was said and get up to go around the wall to his desk and talk about it and realize that he's not there. you never know how much a part of your life someone is until they are gone. and i never imagined that i would be this affected by him being gone. that was my buddy. that was my friend. that was my dawg (as he would say). working with him was the highlight of my workday...today, March 4, is his birthday.......he would have been 24......

happy birthday Chris. I miss you. I love you. And I will remember you for all of the good times that we had in and outside of the office. you weren't only a coworker, but i am honored to have called you friend. You will always be in my thoughts, and your family in my prayers!

Sad News

2009-02-17T17:06:00.000-05:00

While on vacation, I received horrible news regarding my coworker and friend who was involved in a horrible accident on the ski slopes in West Virginia this past weekend. Before I departed for my vacation on saturday, he and I were discussing the activities of the weekend. He was going night boarding on Friday and I was flying out to the west coast on saturday morning. I was going to ask him if I could go with him, but declined to since he and I (along with another co-worker) were going skiing this coming Saturday anyway. As 3:30 approached on Friday afternoon, I watched in envy and excitement as he secured his backpack on his shoulders. As he walked past my cubicle, he flashed his million dollar smile and waved goodbye. I told him that I would see him on Wednesday when I returned from my vacation. Monday morning, I was leaving the resort and headed to breakfast when I received a phone call from my boss. Through her anguish, she was able to inform me of his tragic accident on the slopes. As of right now, my friend is in a coma. I learned of other details from his family members regarding his details and status. In honor of him, and to respect his privacy, I will refrain from mentioning the details of the accident. But I will say this...he is a great guy. Very funny and one of the few people at work that I respect and truly call friend. I'm praying for his full and successful recovery. If you find it in your heart to do so, please lift up a prayer for him. His conditions are extremely serious and all we can do at this point is believe that God can do all things, and that in this horrific accident, the Lord will reveal himself to him and make His greatness known.

Casual Fridays - RUINED!

2009-02-06T14:37:00.000-05:00

button-up shirt, white slacks, black shoes. sound appropriate for the workplace, right? WRONG! JaMaKeisha had on a black button-up shirt that was a few sizes too small and the buttons were pulling so much that you could see through the holes to her hot pink bra, it was too short and showed about 2 inches of skin between the bottom of the shirt and the top of her low-rise white jeans that obviously shrunk in the dryer. they are now so tight that you could see her account balance on her atm receipt in her pocket! obviously being poured into her jeans, she also had on black high-heeled boots that came up mid-calf with fur around the tops and buckles going all the way down to her ankle.

white shirt, purple v-neck shirt over top of the white shirt, blue slacks, brown shoes. sound appropriate for the workplace, right? WRONG! LaBronte' had on a long-sleeved white tee that hung down to his knees, a lakers jersey, baggy-boot-cut jeans and timbalands which were untied and flopping off of his feet. did i mention the bluetooth technology he had in his ear?

the federal government graciously allows us to dress down on fridays, however, we must still be presentable. neither JaMaKeisha or LaBronte' are presentable today, and are jeopardizing the entire building's chances of loosing our casual fridays. we have a good thing goin and all it takes is two nuggets like these two to muck it all up for us! unfortunately, i don't know either of them. if i did, i would pull them to the side and politely put them in check. AND...i would inform LaBronte' that there is absolutely NO cell service within our building on ANY cellular service provider! however, it may be a lost cause because as i walked around the building today killing time...as i do every friday...i noticed that there were a lot of jerseys and a lot of skin-tight clothing from the nuggets that are employed here. and i'm not talking about the custodial staff or the facility maintenance either. no...these are all mission essential employees. today, i believe i set an example for the black community on how to appropriately dress for casual friday. i have on jeans (with NO HOLES or clorox stains or glitter paint or jewels or fancy stitched/embossed designs) which are not too tight and are not too baggy. i paired that up with a gray long-sleeved shirt that has a simple print on the front and a pair of black boots (which can almost pass for dress shoes). i believe i look decent today. i've received a few compliments on how nice i look. a co-worker of mine also looks very nice. she has on a similar outfit, however, she's wearing a black sweater.

when i pick out my clothing the night before and then dress in the morning, i stand in front of the mirror and ask myself if what i am wearing is acceptable for my destination for the day. i do this for work and my personal time. i wear my "hood" clothing for when i'm hanging out in the hood (clinton/waldorf/so. maryland area) and then i change into my prepy clothes for when i hang out in VA or DC. and then i have my west coast attire which i can't wear anywhere around the DC/MD/VA area. i only throw those pieces on when i travel to the west coast or overseas. why can't everyone just ask themselves one simple question: "is this appropriate". that would save the rest of us a LOT of heartache. i give our agency 6 months before they take away our casual fridays. if they do, i'm gonna hunt down those nuggets and beat 'em till the white meat show!

Jobs and Jambalaya

2009-02-04T02:33:00.000-05:00

the day started out with me rolling over to see a high blaze of fire dancing within the confines of the square box in the wall, filling the room with a comforting warmth and memories of past winters. i got up out of the bed, stretched, walked over and opened the blinds to the 6 windows in the bedroom, and upon doing so, i took note of the white pieces of frozen water blowing in the wind. i smiled and said that today was going to be a great day. after showering, "sharting" and shaving, i ran out of the room to grab the dog. we spent some time together and then i headed off to work. a black volvo cut me off on i-395, only for me to pass him later down the road. i parked, walked to metro, arrived at my building and began my long journey around the reservation to my office. upon arriving, i learned of a 10am staff meeting, in which we were to discuss our office's reorg. thirty minutes after arriving to work, i walk into the staff meeting and take my seat at the table. without revealing something that could potentially land me in jail, i will communicate that i now have a new job. i am still in the same office, however, my duties have changed. our office used to be split up where each analyst handled a particular organization within our agency. yours truly was responsible for managing an organization with the third largest budget. as of today, i have given up that job (voluntarily) and am now responsible for analyzing a particular type of funding that we receive, which spans all of our organizations. i will be responsible for explaining the budget to senior-level staff, as well as directors from other offices/agencies. it will also enable me to retain my ability to travel. leaving the office, i decided to celebrate by doing what i love doing the most...cooking. so i entered the shoppers food warehouse and grabbed a cart and rolled around the store until i retrieved all of my necessary ingredients. after brief frustrations with the self-checkout, i arrived at the house and began the theraputic process of preparing the meal. 2 onions, 2 jalapenos, 1 tomato, 4 stalks of celery, 8 garlic cloves, 1 bunch of spring onions, 1 green bell pepper, 1 package of sausage, 2 packs of smoked turkey legs/wings, 5 cups of chicken stock, tomato paste, rice, a few dashes of miscellaneous spices and 4 hours later, i've got the most flavorful dinner i've made this year. on another note, as i write this blog, my dog has taken it upon herself to stretch out around my neck as if she were my scarf. her hind legs and tail are on one side of my body and her head and front paws are on the other side of my body. i guess she's taken it upon herself to keep my neck warm this evening. she's almost like a travel pillow. all in all...today has been a very good day for me.

Its The God In Me

2009-02-02T13:58:00.000-05:00

i just wanna tell the truth man

i'm so fly, i'm so high
everybody 'round me trying to figure out why
i'm so cool, i win all the time
everywhere i go, man i get a lot of shine
i draw like a magnet, beter yet i have it
everything i wear people say they gotta have it
from the sweat suit to the white tee to the Gucci
you can probably say people wanna get like me
but what they don't know is when i go home
and get behind closed doors, man i hit the floor
and what they can't see is i'm on my knees
so the next time i get it i'mma tell 'em
it's the god in me
they think i'm so fresh
they think i'm so clean
they think i'm so sweet
it's the god in me
what is it you think you see?

you see my style, you think i'm nice
you look at my whip, you say the whip tight
you look at my crib, you thinkin i'm paid
you look at my life, you think i got it made
but everything i got, the boy's been given
i call it a blessing, but you call it living
when it come to the money i can be a hero
i write them checks with a whole lot of zeros
but what you don't know is when i get home
and get behind closed doors, man i hit the floor
and what you can't see is i'm on my knees
and if you ask me i'll tell you
it's the god in me
you think i'm so fresh
you think i'm so clean
you think i'm so sweet
it's the god in me
what is it you think you see?

what is it you think you see when you see me, you see me?
you don't know how much i prayed
don't know how much i gave
don't know how much i changed
i'm just tryin to explain
it's the god in me

-courtesy of Mary Mary

Communications with the Horrible Horrible Past

2009-02-01T02:58:00.000-05:00

let me preface this by saying that i am NOT harboring any bitterness or anger over this situation or towards this person/family. this doesn't deserve a blog, but, it's so interesting to me that i must share.

years and years and years ago, i was a part of a church here in the DC Metropolitian area where i served in a particular ministry under the direction of a very headstorng and arrogant woman. i became close to her and her husband and was made to feel part of their family. after roughly 2 years of being in this "family", things started to change. i'll just say that the relationship was beginning to feel the strain of what i perceived to be jealousy or protectiveness. LONG STORY SHORT...this lady and i developed a mildly stressed relationship. however, i was still respectable, as she was still my elder and i understood her position in the church. i don't know what caused the following reaction from her, but from out of nowhere, as i greeted her in the sanctuary one sunday, she said "the Lord requires that i love you but i do not have to like you". this was one of the last interactions that i had with her. being so young and unsure of who i was, i was hurt by this. not to mention that i had held her in such a high place of honor since i served under her ministry. i haven't communicated with her or her family in years. every now and then, i would get an invite to an event or something or a holiday greeting. well, this time, i got an instant message from her. this message came across my phone on jan. 27, via yahoo messenger. the message read something to the effect of "Mr. Booth, hope the new year brings you much success. haven't talked to you in a long time, give me a call as soon as you can. 301-blah blah blah-blah blah who cares". i just found it funny that she would send me a message out of the blue. after all of these years, what could we possibly have in common to talk about. i'm not in the least bit upset, although it may sound like it, but i just don't want to go down that road again. i am now an adult and i believe that she may perceive my confidence and self assurance as being disrespectful or threatening. and to avoid that, i just don't want to establish contact. looking back, those were years filled with so much pain and me being what they wanted me to be. while i'm curious as to what she wants, i don't think it's worth it to find out. i'm sure that with her busy life and everyone telling her how great she is and how great her ministry is, she will forget that she even contacted me. and if it's that important, she will try to contact me again...which i highly doubt.

Blog Virgin

2009-01-30T02:31:00.000-05:00

a very good friend of mine has convinced me to begin blogging. this is to take place of my LONG emails that i send out to family and friends. although i enjoy the stories and other writings i send out, i'm sure everyone is tired of reading my emails out of obligation. therefore, this forum is for those who make the decision (on their own) to read some of my work. now you won't have to receive my stories of my coworker farting at his desk through your email! i doubt my "following" will be anymore than just me checking into the site myself. :) but at least i now have a home to begin housing some of my writings. if you stumble across this site and are moved in ANY WAY over what i've written, please feel free to comment. i welcome and appreciate all feedback. also, if you wish to be notified of my new blogs and able to check back in to see what i've written, click on the "suscribe to" link below. or you can periodically check back into this site using the web address: www.gregorybooth.blogspot.com. well......stay tuned!

-gb